Since the actual hardest scene I've ever had to write in The Legion doesn't take place until much later - and it's very spoilery - I can't include it, but I can describe the scene in the first arc that I found to be the most difficult. Specifics, of course, are going to be avoided, but here goes:
The scene in which Ren actually finally faces her own trauma - her death and the realizations that surround it - was incredibly painful for me. I'll get into this later on in the challenge, but going back and rewriting things from my point of view now, as opposed to a few years ago when I originally wrote the first two novellas (and planned out the rest), forced me into really facing what I have dealt with over the past near-decade. Even though I have obviously not died and come back, there is a part of me that did. I'm not sure if the old Juju will ever be fully back, but I'm finding her again, and honestly? It hurts. I am having to face certain parts of me that led me into my marriage*, kept me from speaking out or leaving earlier than I did, had me allowing behaviors (in him and in myself) that ultimately brought me to the lowest points in my life. I mourn the death of my strong if not slightly naive past self, so writing the same scene but for a character I created during that period of my life was excruciating and terrifying. Ultimately, though, it was cathartic. I'm still reeling from the experience, but I'm thankful for it. It's also one of the rawest things I have ever written, and I remember bawling as I typed.
That scene won't be published for a while, but it's coming. And trust me, you'll know when you've reached it. I can only hope that the emotion I was feeling as I wrote it shines through brilliantly.
BACK TO CHALLENGE
* I am in no way blaming myself for my abuse, but it is important to note that I've developed survival mechanisms that can keep me from ever putting myself in that place again.
No comments:
Post a Comment