Parks and Recreation Supplemental Post: Ben Wyatt

Via Parks and Recreation Tumblr

I kind of want to go back and redo my Favorite Ben Moment now and change it to when he went back to Partridge, MN, and got kidney stones, but thems the breaks, I guess.

Anyway, magic happened when Adam Scott's Ben Wyatt and Rob Lowe's Chris Traeger came onto Parks and Rec. The rest of season two was such an amazing departure from the bubble-headed, kind of dull show that it was during its first season, starting with the gay penguin wedding, but those last two episodes - "The Master Plan" and "Freddy Spaghetti" - were the two strongest of the season, mainly due to the interplay between the actors. Leslie's steamroller personality was no match for Ben's no-nonsense approach to budgeting, and even though I knew* that Ben would eventually become her love interest, I couldn't wait to see why they got together.

Via Broadway World

However, it's his relationship with Chris that really inspires me. Too often, male relationships are portrayed in a way that keeps them from showing affection without the stigma of being gay, which ... ugh. Normally in this sort of situation, I like to say that I'll write another post about it, but this is such an important topic that instead I'm going to just talk about it here. There are multiple articles and posts about toxic masculinity (and I've actually kind of mentioned it in Tom's supplemental post and will also bring it up again when I do Ron's and Chris'), and if you're reading this, you have the internet, so ... you can google that on your own if you have any questions about the information I'm discussing. This isn't a damn thesis, anyway.

Moving on. Ben and Chris have a great friendship from the beginning, each bringing his own personality to develop an amazing auditing team. Chris is the hype man, while Ben is the sobering element: they balance each other out, admitting that, on their own, they would be massive failures. That right there is a major thing: too often, men are told they don't need anyone, that they need to be the head of the household, the rock, etc. It is a ridiculous notion, but here we are, dealing with it on a daily basis.

As the series continues, we are treated to seeing both men in exceptionally weak states - Ben is depressed after resigning from his position when his romance with Leslie was revealed, and Chris goes through his own depression after 1) getting tendinitis and realizing that he is in fact mortal, 2) getting dumped by Millicent Gergich, and 3) realizing that Ann has moved on with Tom - and how they try to build each other up. Neither is afraid to cry in front of each other (which shouldn't be groundbreaking or notable in any way, but again, here we are), and the receiving end of the emotion is always there, ready with a hug. While Leslie has Ann, Ben has Chris: they are each other's sounding board and emotional support systems and don't rely solely upon their respective partners to fill that role. It's a healthy relationship; imagine that.

There's a study I read a few weeks back about how most men don't look at their male friends in the same way that women view all of their friends. While women tend to see each individual friend as someone they can and will vent to, cry with, share personal details with, etc., men regulate that role to their romantic partners. They could go grab a beer with a guy friend, sure, but more likely than not, all they'll talk about would be very superficial topics. Vulnerability is not something that men want to be visible to all in their social circle because there's always that worry that they'll appear weak or, as I stated above, homosexual. Being gay is somehow still this weird taboo these days, but that again goes back to toxic masculinity and the belief that being "feminine" is less than. Femininity is also not greater than masculinity - they are just different sides to the same coin - but it is not currently allowed in our culture to be a balance. We have put the human experience into this annoying dichotomy, and you have to be either/or, not a mixture of the two. It's why transgender men and women experience prejudice, why people have such a hard time believing that bisexuality is a Real Thing, and why women and men cannot possess both masculine and feminine qualities.

But through the Chris-Ben relationship, we see that they can exist together without a sexual element. If either Ben or Chris were gay, it wouldn't change anything, anyway; their sexualities would not color their interactions, and they would still be Auditing Bros.

And end of tirade.

As an individual, Ben is such an interesting character, too. He's motivated to succeed, to prove to himself that he's no longer this giant fuckup who bankrupted his town, and God, do I identify with that. The last year of my life has been trying to repair the damage from the previous five years, and although I put a lot of blame on the ex, I am responsible for my own decisions. I sometimes feel like I'm back in my 20s, rebuilding what should have already been built six years ago, but I can't go back in time and change what I did. It's only up from here, and I use Ben as an inspiration there. I am not going to run for office ever, but it's helpful to remember that, through careful consideration and some planning** on my part, I can do whatever I want to do. And then use whatever resources I come across on the way to help others do the same.

Via Twitter

I'll get into depression more when I talk about Chris, but I do appreciate how Ben's depression is dealt with in Season Four. Everyone deals with it (and expresses it) differently, but Ben trying to distract himself by delving into various projects is so me it's not even funny. Except then I get paralyzed by how many things I have going on in my head and I just end up laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling an anxiety that will just not go away. It's exhausting and frustrating and God, even just thinking about it gets me into a mini-panic. Anyway, I know that his depression was kind of used for laughs, but Chris' genuine concern for his friend was incredibly touching and just another example of how awesome their friendship is.

On a similar thread, I feel like Ben and I would actually be really good friends. We're both giant nerds and would spend most of our time (probably) just repeating the phrase, "Well, actually ..." back and forth at each other until one of us died. While I don't have the same enthusiasm for Game of Thrones as he does, I could definitely go toe-to-toe with him in Star Trek or Star Wars knowledge, and I'm fairly certain that I could beat him at a board game or two***.

Damn, this is turning out to be way longer than I intended, so I'm going to stop here. Plus, I gotta get to work, so ... end?

FAVORITE BEN MOMENT

PARKS AND REC CHALLENGE

* Well, I didn't know, but there was that feeling that the person she hated the most would be the person she would fall in love with. I've watched TV before obviously. 

** I mean, this is me we're talking about here; planning is not exactly my forte. 

*** Although I don't really allow myself to play board games any longer. Too many experiences getting waaaayyyy too angry.