Life with Pets: Kitkat Fears the Bitsy

A few days after giving birth to six squeaky kittens, BITSY lies in the middle of the living room floor, taking a moment to herself from the endless mewing of newborns. She's been ever at the ready, poised to lick up poop, steal them back from either Juju or Three, or to nurse them, and dammit, she deserves a break every so often. Her ears perk up when she hears the kittens announce that again they are awake and again they are hungry. 

BITSY: (sighs) It never ends. I hate my life.

As Bitsy makes her way to the closet where her box of kittens awaits, ZOLA pokes her head out from the hallway and lets out a snort. BINA sticks her head out just underneath Zola's and chirps. JUJU walks by the two and looks down in both confusion and amusement. 

JUJU: What are you guys doing?
BINA: SHHHHHHHH?
ZOLA: We are investigating.

Checking his phone, Three obliviously strolls into the kitchen and away from the action. 

JUJU: Where's Kitkat?
BINA: Hiding?
ZOLA: Bitsy kicked her butt earlier.
JUJU: What?
THREE (OFF STAGE): Yeah, I was holding one of the kittens, and Kitkat happened to walk by just as Bitsy was coming to get it. It was not pretty.
JUJU: Bitsy!

Bitsy jumps out of the closet and stands confidently in front of Juju. Zola and Bina duck back into the hallway (off stage), leaving Juju flummoxed. 

BITSY: What.
JUJU: Did you attack Kitkat?
BITSY: Yes.
JUJU: Why?
BITSY: She was trying to eat my baby!
THREE (OFF STAGE): I was holding it while I was standing up! Unless Kitkat suddenly grows gravity boots on her paws, there's no way she could have gotten to your kitten.
BITSY: She is vicious!
THREE (OFF STAGE): She wasn't doing anything!
BITSY: You don't speak cat, human!
THREE: (poking his head in from the kitchen) Oh, so I'm "Human" now?
BITSY: Yes.

Three rolls his eyes and returns to the kitchen. The kittens begin to squeak again in the closet, and Bitsy shoots everyone a look, even at the nervous-looking Zola and Bina, who have both resumed their cautious positions mostly hidden in the hallway. 

BITSY: You woke them up again.
BINA: I haven't said anything?
ZOLA: Are they sad? Do they want kisses?

Bitsy returns to the closet to calm her kittens, and Juju takes a seat in one of the lawn chairs in the living room. Zola and Bina remain partially concealed, and KITKAT skulks past them, fear in her eyes. Juju spots her and sighs. 

JUJU: Kitkat, we put a litter box in the bedroom so you wouldn't have to sneak around like this.
KITKAT: SHHHHH! You will awake the demon!
JUJU: (sighs again) Okay, fine. (lowers her voice to a whisper) What's wrong with the other litter box?
KITKAT: It's not the one I like!
BINA: I like both litter boxes?
ZOLA: I like them, too. They have tasty treats.
JUJU: But this one requires that you be stealthy. And you, of all things, are not stealthy or graceful. Which is weird for a cat.
BINA: You fall down when you try to play with the shoe laces?
KITKAT: I AM A KILLING MACHINE, NOT A BALLERINA!

Kitkat immediately regrets raising her voice and lowers herself to the floor just as Bitsy suspiciously sticks her head out of the closet. Within a fraction of a second, she snarls and locks eyes with a terrified Kitkat.

BITSY: TYRANNICAL NOT-FRIEND.
KITKAT: I ... I-I ...
BITSY: (stepping out further) YOU WILL NOT COME NEAR MY BABIES. EVEN IF THEY ARE ANNOYING AND CUT INTO MY SLEEP TIME.
KITKAT: FLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Kitkat scampers back down the hallway, her tail poofy, and Bitsy huffs and refocuses back on her kittens. Both Zola and Bina are frozen in their places, unsure of what just occurred. It's one thing that Bitsy chased Kitkat away by hissing and swatting at her; it's a whole other story when only a look can send Kitkat running. Juju shakes her head and laughs. 

JUJU: What goes around comes around, Kitkat.

The End.

I Just Discovered a Fear of Mine! And You Can, Too!

I had a dream a few weeks ago where I fell into the ocean and was surrounded by giant jellyfish, floating blobs of inevitable yet random death by stinging. I was caught in the waves and trying my best to avoid the tentacles, although who was I kidding? I am a land creature, ill-equipped to handle the density of water in any meaningful way, except to flail about fruitlessly. The dream came to a close just as the largest of the jellyfish rode a wave right into me, and I woke up in a cold sweat.

The Pull List for June 24, 2015

Welcome to the final week of June! Sadly, this is also going to be the last Pull List. I've enjoyed doing this because, hey, comics are awesome, but there is so much going on in my life right now - trying to break into comics, writing a novel, Bitsy's kittens, working on the house, starting a business, doing challenges, etc. -  that this is just one extra thing that I can't continue to juggle. I may eventually bring it back in some capacity, but I'll probably just stick with doing reviews for the time being.

But anyway, on with this week!

The Pull List for June 17, 2015

Shit, this week is shaping out to look like when I was working at the comic shop. However, a lot of what's coming out is on my Trades Only list, so it only looks long ... That is what I'm telling myself right now, anyway.

Life with Pets: Bitsy Is Preggo

JUJU sits on one of the lawn chairs that she and Three have inside their living room, seeing as they sold nearly all of their furniture a two years prior and they haven't had the chance to go pick up what little they do have, stored in a unit a few states away. ZOLA snores at Juju's feet as her human types on her computer, and THREE watches a documentary while propped up on a pair of pillows, with KITKAT curled up on the small of his back. 

The Pull List for June 10, 2015

You know, getting back into the swing of things has been a lot easier than I thought it was going to be! It doesn't hurt that last week was such a tiny collection of comics, but hey, I take things as I get them. Sadly, Secret Wars is still going on (sigh), so I probably won't be posting a lot of Marvel books until that's over, and honestly, it's kind of a relief that I won't be spending as much money for next couple of months. Thanks, Marvel!

My Pull List for June 3, 2015

Well, hello again! If you've been following my blog the past month or so, you'll know why I took such a long break from doing The Pull List, but I'm back, fresh off my Star Wars challenge and fully caught up on my comic reading ... for the most part. And if you've been reading my reviews since April, you are aware of my avoidance of almost all things Secret Wars, and hoo boy, am I glad that Convergence is over and done with.

Now, today is also the beginning of an all-new, all-improved version of The Pull List because, hey, when you don't work at a comic shop any longer, you have to be very selective of what you buy. Plus, this was starting to turn into something it's not, not to mention a lot of work, considering all the side projects I have going on right now (about some of which I will be posting later on this month). So instead of giving little mini-reviews of everything I'm definitely going to buy, I am going to pick two or three that I'm looking forward to reading, even if it would have been included in my Slightly Interesting pile. I'll still list the others I am reading - as well as the comics I've dropped, but I'll include an explanation there  - obviously, since this entire idea was intended to keep track of my comic book interests.

So here we go! Welcome to My Pull List.

Random Possibly Unpopular Opinions

1. Racing games and first person shooters are vastly inferior to RPGs. 
2. I don't like Nirvana and don't really understand the hype. It's not like I hate them - although Kurt Cobain's voice grates on my nerves - and I'll listen to one or two of their songs, but for the most part, I agree with Frances Bean on this one. Grunge is just not my scene.
3. Diet Dr. Pepper is better than regular Dr. Pepper. 
4. While I am a comic book nerd at heart, I am getting worn out on seeing a new superhero movie every fucking year. Almost enough to not care that Captain Marvel will be getting her own movie in three years. And I love me some Captain Marvel. 
5. I adore Benedict Cumberbatch as an actor. Hell, I even liked him in Star Trek: Into Darkness. However, as a sex symbol? Uh-uh. He reminds me of Bruce, the big shark from Finding Nemo. 
6. Garlic is the absolute worst spice ever, especially before you go to bed. I'm looking at you, HusFriend. 
7. I prefer the simpering, immature characters in Jane Austen's books over her supposed heroines, who, to me, are mostly boring and pretentious (see: Fanny Price). 
8. Eyeliner and Chapstik are the only two pieces of makeup anyone absolutely needs. Okay, maybe mascara, but that's pushing it. 
9. Gin is the worst liquor on the planet. Ever. 
10. Bourbon is the best liquor on the planet. My inner Polish heritage is crying right now. 
11. Libertarianism is for selfish people. 
12. I would actually miss the penny if we ever removed it from circulation. It keeps my piggy bank somewhat colorful.
13. Kittens, while adorable, are much less preferable than an elderly cat who literally just wants to laze around and/or eat until it dies. 
14. I hate winter. Like hate. Give me the blazing hot days of summer and you'll have a happy Juju. 
15. I truly do not care if my veggies are organic. I do care if they are locally grown, though. Support your local farmers!
16. Goodwill is just as bad as Wal-Mart or Target. There are much better thrift shops around that actually help people and don't give their CEO a personal jet. 
17. N*SYNC is better than the Backstreet Boys. 
18. Staying blond is way too much work. 
19. Out of all the pantheons of all the religions in the world, the Hindu avatars make the most sense to me. 
20. Out of all of the religions in the world, Buddhism speaks to me the most. 
21. The Restoration Period (right after the Civil War) is probably one of the more interesting eras of United States history. 
22. "Open floorplan" is one of the most awful phrases in the human language, especially in reference to any show featuring white people looking to buy a house. 
23. I miss the soft rock and easy listening of the mid-1990s. Yes, even Bryan Adams. 
24. Diversity is what I look for when I am trying to decide if I want to pick up a comic book. All straight white people? Thanks, I'll pass. 
25. I'd rather camp in a tent than in a camper. 
26. Paper and pen trumps tablet and nib. 
27. Freesia is one of the worst smells that Bath and Body Works ever produced. See also: nearly any scent that Victoria's Secret ever produced. 
28. I own an Xbox but would rather have a Playstation. 
29. Indian cuisine is the tastiest in existence.  
30. Vacuuming is the most soothing chore, but cleaning out a toilet is a close second. 

... On That War

In what may be one of my more popular posts, I talked about my body image. It's something with which I will most likely struggle for the rest of my life, even as I reach an age where society tells me I won't care any longer. Of course, I'd like to think that, since that article from 2012, I've matured enough to where my thoughts are drastically different from three years ago. I just let out a little chuckle; I know it's naive, even as I type the sentence. Such deeply ingrained ideas are very difficult to eradicate.

The Lord Was Testing Me

I am a homeowner for the first time. The elation that is flooding over me is nearly indescribable, even as I look around my living room and see the massive project that awaits me. I came into this with my eyes wide open, fully aware of the necessary time and work, but it is all worth it. No longer do I have to deal with a landlord who considers me inferior because I happen to have breasts or downstairs neighbors who have after-mixers at their place until 4A. I can paint the walls and construct kitty ledges and rip up flooring, all to my heart's content. It's invigorating.

But I swear, I nearly cut a bitch in the process. You may want to go brew yourself some tea and pop a bag of popcorn, 'cause this is going to take a while.